[Journal] Top Six Answers on the Board

Ah, I'm dying for this summer to be over.

I mean, I've been having some fun. Had some great moments. Love my friends and my family. But come on. Enough is too much: I want to get back to school. I miss Ashland, and the campus and the newspaper. I miss going to movies whenever I want, and how renting from Blockbuster was as simple as crossing the street. I want to walk every where again, and I want to go back to a place where there is no fast food save one Wendy's.

The first half of this summer moved so quickly. Half a week in and I was at the theatre, reading for Hamlet and As You Like It and finding all my At Home buddies again. I got the parts I wanted in both shows, and had an amazing time playing them. I really did, and I miss it so much! I love acting, and I know I can't do it at the college, so it's going to be tough going a full year without it. I want to know where ACTC is going, and what it's got planned. I want to be more involved with it, if I could, because I love it so much.

If I had to choose, I'd go ahead and say Rosencrantz was my favorite role this year. I loved Phoebe and, by the end there, I was really getting into playing her, but with Rosencrantz I had a much more profound journey. That's cheesy to say, but it's totally true. The more I played him, the more I came to know his decision making process, and his relationship with Guildenstern and how it differed from the one I have with my own twin. I think playing them as brothers was a surprising, revealing little trip for me, and made it that much more enjoyable. Rosencrantz's thoughts on Hamlet really struck me, as he moved from being a childhood friend to an enemy.

I'll have to find some time to write all about these thoughts of his. I'm a bit too scattered for it now, but I had an idea about writing a short story for Rosencrantz. It would be from our Hamlet, the way our play turned out, from my perception of Rosencrantz and his interaction with everyone else in the show. Of course, I always say I want to write things, but I never actually get to the writing part.

While I was in the shows one of the equity actors for this year, Shaun, spoke to me and my friends Victoria and Nick about the progress we've made since the start of Midsummer two years ago. He played Lysander in that show, and was not in the following season, but returned for these two shows much to all of our joy. He's this naturally happy guy that's just generally sweet, and a hoot to be around and work with. I remember this as one of my favorite moments through the whole rehearsal process, save some really hilarious times, because it was so... I don't know. It was something to take pride in, and I don't have much confidence so it was more than welcomed. He told us he was amazed with how far we had come, and that ACTC was doing what he, and I to be honest, imagined it should. We were learning, growing, and becoming more confident in not only ours roles and abilities, but ourselves and our friendships. He said that we should be proud of ourselves, and I just wanted to hug him. Of course, I remember most clearly when he turned to me and spoke to me about the changes from when I just started playing Helena in year one to this third year, and how much progress I had made. I'm pretty sure it's not true, but it was such a delight and an honor to hear him say it that I think it'll be one of those memories I'll look back on just to reassure myself that I must be doing something right.

My best friend and I have been 'hanging out' a lot. I use quotes because she lives a bit too far from me for us to physically hang out, so we talk on the internet a lot. I mean. A lot. We have recently gotten into the habit of watching Family Feud on GSN and playing along, as a two man DYNAMO, whenever it's on. Almost, anyway. The 7:30 time slot is a bit too early in the morning for either of us. We are hilarious. I mean, I'm usually laughing out loud whenever we play, making the other people in this house wonder what the hell is wrong with me.

That's a whole lot of win, right there. Full of win. By the way, we're playing AS I write this. No joke. There's a family called 'the Greenhouse's'. Hah.

We're also playing Tetris on Facebook. It is eating my soul.

I like talking to Chelsea about my writing and ideas, because she really gets me. And she has a passion for the process, though it needs a bit of reviving, so she understands where I get stuck and the motivation behind the choices I make for my characters and the plot. I've got this story in my head that I've shared with her, and only her, and every time we talk she helps me develop something new. It's pretty cool, because I've never written anything of my own invention before, nothing worth the time and effort anyway, and it's exciting, terrifying, to be starting something like this now.

Now another thing I've come to appreciate this summer is how far Chelsea and I have come. We've been best friends since the sixth grade. That's a... pretty long time. And I know we've changed, and I can see how. It's weird, and thrilling, because I think we're pretty awesome. With my twin it's different. We have grown up together for years, and I had never been away from her long enough to see any real change. It's hard to notice it, when you're moving at the same pace, watching it every day. But then I went to school, grew up a bit, and came back to find I was, in fact, far different. And it wasn't limited to just myself, who I had become, but how different I was from my twin now. It's almost unbearable, and I think the longer I have to stay here and dwell on it the worse it'll get. We argue so much now, it's ridiculous, and a lot of it is petty and leaves me wondering why I even bothered to fight back.

A matter of pride, I suppose. I want to have some left when I go back to school.

I really appreciate my friends, too, for hanging out with me and just being cool people. I've had a ton of fun with Will, at movies and gatherings, as well as all the other people from my cast. They're what I refer to as 'the regulars', when I'm talking to someone unfamiliar with ACTC. Will, Victoria, the Nicks, Sean, and Kasey, though the lattermost is a new and most welcomed addition to the crew for me. There was Rob Addison, but he left again, and I know not when I might see him again. Alas. Alas. These are just the people I feel the most comfortable around, and like hanging out with. I know I'm a really difficult person to be friends with, and that I'm more likely to be a bitch to someone than be nice, but they seem to put up with me and we have a lot of fun. They're good people, you know? Just good people, and it's an honor and blessing to know them.

Even though some of them are not old enough to go drinking with.

Ah. Drinking.

Okay. I am not a boozer. I have no tolerance, and will probably pass out at the mention of hard alcohol. But I do like beer. A lot. And so what? I've never had more than one at any given time, and I drink when everyone else has gone to bed, so as not to upset my mom, brother or twin. They're all 'no drinks at any time, ever', which is fine for them but just does not work for me and my dad.

One day I'm going to go to Boston and play a Family Feud drinking game with my best friend, and it will be hilarious.

I know I mentioned Tropic Thunder in passing, but I freaking loved that movie. I'll write a lot more on it later, when I have the chance to see it again, but good lord. It was great.

In other news, I have to have my wisdom teeth pulled this coming Tuesday. That's terrifying to me. I mean, really, legitimately terrifying. I'm an anxious person by nature, but this is a whole different kind of fear. Because I can't get out of it, and I've heard some stupid stories that are stuck in my head. Everyone tells me it will be fine, but really, it does not sound all that fun. I have to be awake, all four are coming out, and one is really close to a nerve. It's this one that's coming in sideways pushing up under the tooth that's already there. That one is going to be fun.

It's going to be an experience, anyway.

It was kind of funny, though. I was at the dentist's and they were telling me about the procedure. I was trying my best to look cool and attentive, but the dude paused, looked at me funny and said 'you'll be alright!'. Apparently, according to my twin, I wear my emotions on me sleeve and I'm becoming increasingly unaware of it. Maybe that's why I suck as an actor!

I've had that note a couple of times, too. 'Your energy was way off'. This happens after a bad day, and I'm just dragging my feet through a performance. I never noticed until the director or someone in my cast tells me, because I'm actually trying pretty hard to either cover it up and pretend I'm normal, or ignore it. Neither tactic works, apparently, and I hate that I can't tell. I'll fix it, though, because I like this acting thing I don't want to be that kind of person. It's a let down and it's not fair to anyone else. I mean, really, what the hell do I have to be moody about? When I think about it, my life is pretty sweet.

Writing is way distracting. I'm going to need to stop, so I can effectively play some Feud. It was just nice to get some of this out. Notes, if you will, or something like that.